Tall Caucasian males, I once read,
are the most successful people on the planet.
Andrew Jackson was tall and white, like
me, as are the CEOs of big companies.

So I decided that, though I could do nothing
about my color and height, I could at least
make an effort to be a failure. In this
I succeeded; but why should I live

unhappily? I am no less entitled to a good
life than so many short fat dumpy sniveling
white dudes. My brains are higher up
than theirs. So what is my problem? Was

I dropped on my head as a baby? Maybe;
but my best guess is tall Caucasian males
gross me out. Why would I want to be
like them? I prefer those whom they

stomp on, the Vietnamese, the bum,
the field workers of the world, or girl
in the cold with nowhere to go, looking for
a man (tall and white like me?) to hold her.

John Oliver Hodges lives in Brooklyn and teaches writing at
Montclair State University in New Jersey. He is the author of
The Love Box, and War of the Crazies.
by John Oliver Hodges